My Very First and Likely Most Passionate Blog Post EVER!

"WHERE I LIVE"

“Where I Live” (Written In 2006) My mind is racing to write on a subject that I have had on my mind for 7 months. This blogging is such a g...

Friday, September 10, 2010

Goliath Has Beaten David

OKAY! Last Post, here on the "Where I Live" Blog..I promise. Truly I thought 'Miss My Dawg' would be my last, but that good ole' "Where I Live" is haunting me once again and so I write. I write because it is the only release I have to get this out of me and I thank you all who have followed me on this journey. I have embarked on a new chapter in my life "Where I am From" and hope you will follow me as I Blog about it. COMING VERY SOON!
Much Love and Blessings to ALL.

Sitting here, on my balcony, of my new home, early in the morning, overlooking beautiful Swan Lake and it is so peaceful, but my heart is broken and full of sadness. There is no peacefulness inside of me. It seems ironic that I am finishing this Blog in this way, but then again, for TEN LONG YEARS, this has been the status quo, and it is the consequences I get for living and giving my heart, much of my life and my sanctification to "Where I Live". It will never happen again (Lord Have Mercy! Never say NEVER!), as I am finally home in "Where I am From". I feel as though I just don't have much left in me to give and I suppose this is my justification for limiting myself, already, in "Where I am From", which is absolutely not fair to anyone here...not my Loving husband,  not my Precious Son, nor all the friends and family who have been trying to contact me and to whom I promise I am going to reach out very, very soon; as an incredibly special person used to say to me..."I been havin' my own little Pity Party", well, I guess my "Pity Party for One" needs to come to an end. I just cannot go on like this. It is killing my spirit, my soul, and as most of you know I have always been a genuinely vivacious, passionate and big hearted girl. If I continue on this wretched path, I will have 'nothing left to give' (Hmmm, THAT sounds familiar...L.O.V.E.). How selfish is that? I acknowledge it is pretty damn selfish. I am taking responsibility for most of these emotions, actions and this reasoning, BUT (Big BUT..), I am going to assign part of this ill-fated conclusion to one other human, (Insert sarcasm here)  which is something I usually NEVER do! Someday I must forgive HIM, but as the old saying goes, I will NEVER forget. My hands are literally trembling as I type these words. These words, which I do not even maintain can describe how I am feeling. There are not enough words in the English language which can make clear to any one of you the infinite sadness in my soul. I also commit blame to "Where I Live", for had I never lived there I would not be in this state of contempt; but then again, this is what this Blog has been about all that time, hasn't it?

  I must let go of these feelings. My hands are tied. David may have fought Goliath and won, and believe me when I tell you, that is what I am up against, but the little girl inside doesn't have any fight left in her, in this situation. I am defeated and Goliath won this fight...the battles are over with that Philistine. It's time for God to step in and do his thang.

Romans 12:19 Look it up....
and for the last time I will say...
"Think about it....."

Footnote: I know this Blog seems very personal, but I hope it will help someone else in a situation where you feel utterly helpless and defeated...I guess what I am trying to say is turn it over to God. That is all I have left.